Get the key takeaways on divorce mediation and why your financial team needs to join early—before decisions lock in. Jacobson Mediation Group’s Alex Jacobson explains how legal, tax, and financial guidance work together (and what can go wrong when they don’t), the importance of advisor timing, and why “equal” asset splits like a house vs. retirement may not be truly equal. We also cover attorney-client privilege basics, when independent advisors help, and how to keep your divorce team streamlined.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Joining me now, or I guess I should say, welcome back to the program, Alex Jacobson.
She is the founder of Jacobson Mediation Group. Alex, always great to see you. Thanks for joining us this morning.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Thank you for having me back.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
And do you mind if I proclaim you Mediator of the Year?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
I don’t know if you have such an award. I’ll take it.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Is there an award? Is there a association for mediation?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
I’m sure there are many associations, but I’ll take the award. Love the accolade. I’ll add it to my signature block.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Okay, there you go. I just, I’m a kingmaker, I guess. I don’t know.
All right, Alex. It’s always great to talk the process of divorce. It’s obviously not easy for people, but mediation, certainly an important step.
Today, I want to, you know, you often talk about the team, the importance of having a team, your financial advisor, all the, you know, accountant, someone like yourself, an attorney, a mediator. When’s, let’s talk about financial advice though. When’s the right time?
Or why is it important to bring the financial advisor in sooner rather than later?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
So the right time is as early as possible. You know, you need to start considering the financial implications of your divorce when it is beginning. And as you said, getting that team around you as early as possible is critical.
You want your lawyer to advise you on the legal implications of your divorce, but you also need your accountant to advise regarding the tax implications. You need your financial advisor to give their input with respect to the financial implications of your divorce. You know, all of these aspects come together to make a complete financial agreement.
And if the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing, you’ve got real problems at the end of the day once your agreement is entered. And I’d like to give an example of that. You know, on a balance sheet, you might see that a million dollar, the equity in a house for a million dollars and a million dollars in a retirement account, but those are very, very different.
And if someone is getting the house and someone’s getting the retirement account, that’s not, that may be okay in a particular instance, but that’s not necessarily an equal division of the estate.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Yeah, and one’s more liquid than the other, right? And one can appreciate in a flux, you know, typically assets in a retirement plan may grow maybe a little bit more consistently than housing prices. Let me ask you this, because if you’re in a relationship with somebody, you may have a couple, as a couple, you may have an accountant, you may have an attorney, you may have a financial advisor, but when you are divorcing and you’re separating from your partner, do you have to look outside of those relationships?
Because does it, is it that relationship, one of the people in the relationship maintains who they have or do they actually have to go their separate ways and find service providers on their own? Make sense?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Absolutely, it’s a really good question. And it’s a very case-specific question. And it’s gonna depend on, you know, the individual.
Do they feel comfortable with that financial advisor anymore? Do they feel comfortable with that accountant anymore? Do they feel that they’re biased towards the spouse?
You know, in a marriage, there’s generally a partnership and maybe someone’s dealing with the finances and maybe someone’s dealing with, you know, organizing carpools. And if the carpool organizer now has to be tuned into the finances, he or she may not feel as comfortable with the accountant thinking that they’re on the other, you know, their spouse’s side. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting an independent, you know, third-party opinion advisor to participate on your team.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Now, as an attorney, there’s an attorney-client privilege, right? So that, but does that exist for the accountant, the financial advisor, the other aspects of the team? I wanna be very clear on this because that, I guess, it described the attorney-client privilege and what that means and does it apply here for someone to hire an attorney?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Sure, I won’t speak to the specifics of what the requirements are for accountant-client privileges or financial advisor-client privileges. With respect to a lawyer and a client, that is privileged communication when it’s just the two of you. And so, you know, if you are having a meeting with your financial advisor and your spouse and your attorney, everybody’s participating in the conversation and that is not confidential.
What’s learned in that conversation can leave that conversation. So you need to be mindful of who’s participating in the conversations when you’re getting that advice. Another reason why getting your own independent advisor when going through a divorce, particularly a high-conflict divorce, can be helpful.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Yeah, I’m trying to think about what Bunny XO and Jelly Roll are going to do. Have they reached out to you at all in terms of- Not yet, not yet.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
I’m checking my voicemail regularly though.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Okay, you know, obviously that’s going to be a difficult, I think it’s going to be a very difficult, contentious divorce. Hopefully that is not what most people have to go through, but you never know. Let’s talk about finding those independent people because I would imagine if you’ve been tethered to a partner for many, many, many years, you’re used to doing things and you have put, each person has handled different tasks in their relationship.
Somebody may manage the checkbook, somebody may file the tax return or help work with the accountant to do the tax return. Finding that person, how do you find an independent financial advisor, a new financial advisor, or a new accountant, or even someone like yourself, like an attorney?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
So I think I’ve referred to your divorce lawyer as your quarterback, and he or she is the one who’s sort of orchestrating the team, putting together the pieces of the settlement. And he or she is going to be a really good resource in terms of finding the financial advisor, the accountant, whatever players on your team are needed, that individual is going to be a great resource, but also your family, your friends, any other trusted individuals in your life are going to have recommendations for individuals to look into. But I want to also be mindful of one thing, and that is I don’t necessarily want too many cooks in the kitchen.
And so if it is possible that a couple can continue to work with the same financial advisor, so we’re getting streamlined advice for the collective, great. If there’s an accountant that can continue to advise both parties and both parties feel comfortable with it, great. I’m not suggesting that everybody needs to rally the troops and bring in 15 different people into the process.
If it’s needed, it should be sought out. But if it’s not, then great to keep the group small and consistent, so that they understand what past practices have been for that family.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
And is that because the too many cooks comment you made, is that because it’s costly to have all these different people and also decision-making? Look, I don’t like working with committees, so decisions can take a long time. Is that part of your thinking or is it just a dilution of information that’s being spread out to so many people?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
It’s time, it’s multiple opinions, it’s cost. Keeping it streamlined can be better if everyone can trust the individuals in the process.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
How do you, I would feel, you know, I’ve not been through the process and I hope to never go through the process, but I would feel kind of vulnerable. If I’m, I mean, it is a major move to go through a divorce, whether you’ve been married for two years, five years, 10 years, and it’s displacing. I mean, it really displaces you.
So I have to think that you feel, you would feel very vulnerable and vulnerable in giving people that you really probably don’t know. You may trust them or you may gain their trust or they may gain your trust, but it’s gotta be, there’s a vulnerability here in terms of information, in terms of your feelings, your emotions.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Most definitely, and you’re relying on these people to give you really, really critical advice for life-changing, in some instances, decisions. I often tell people I’m not a mental health professional, although I did play one in my day job. It is really a pivotal time for everybody that’s in my office.
And you wanna make sure that the participants in the process are mindful of that and sensitive to it.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Do you think, maybe this is a kind of a far out question, but is divorce, going through the process, harder if you’re more mature versus younger? I mean, are younger people more malleable and able to bounce back? Or is it really just on a, what is the emotional makeup of the individual?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
It just depends. I mean, are there kids involved? Is this a significant estate?
Is there no liquid, are there no liquid assets to be allocated between the parties? It is so case-specific. I couldn’t make a general statement.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Yeah, I mean, it just seems to me that, I tend to agree with you. I mean, I don’t think you can, I try not to pigeonhole people. I think people are gonna, under times of duress and stress, they’re going to react according to their own traits, right?
Their own personalities. Alex, it’s always great talking with you. I could go on and on and on and talk about this.
Are there any, let me just ask you for some key takeaways here. Do you have any lasting thoughts that maybe we can leave with the audience about this process and the importance of engaging early?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Sure, I mean, I think if you’re talking about a financial advisor, for example, it’s really important to look at, what is your trajectory? Are you gonna have a support obligation? Are you gonna need cash?
What are your needs gonna be? Or are you nearing the end of your career and retirement is more critical in terms of your settlement? And so plotting that out, understanding what your budget looks like and understanding what your needs are is really, really important.
And having the time to talk through those issues, pros, cons, that’s why having that financial advisor on your team early is really critical.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Yeah, really well said. So quick question for you. When you were thinking about the quarterback, was that Caleb Williams, Tom Brady, or some other quarterback that was going through your head?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
I’m a Chicago Bear. Was that even a question?
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
That’s a good point. Alex Jacobson, always great to see you. Thanks for joining us.
And we look forward to having you back again soon.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Thanks very much. Take care.